and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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