At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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