my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
