Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize