Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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