I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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