im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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