You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
pray to the hookup gods
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
