I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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