That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
