New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i came on her dog
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize