I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
