No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
