Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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