life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
