I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize