I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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