the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize