We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
