You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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