Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
