just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
