god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
