I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
