What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
