True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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