Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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