Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
