Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
