It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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