I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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