TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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