Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
