Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
