I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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