Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
