Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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