i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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