Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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