We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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