Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize