She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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