We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They have beer where we have blood.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
