I heard we made out
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
