His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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