I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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