Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
