They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
