a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
