Moan for me like Helen Keller
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
