Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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