Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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