We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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