After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
