i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
