My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
