I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
one might say we're banned from that church
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
