I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
