Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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