too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
