i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
