Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
