The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
