I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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