Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
