Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
