You can't special order awesome
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
