no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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