u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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