it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
