I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
