We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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