im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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