i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
