Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
