college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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